Progress Reminder

I’ve been really fragile lately, partially because this is my first time working retail and minimum wage and sales goals have me stressing and worrying and just sad. It’s odd, because I actually do love my job. I believe in and am excited about our teas and getting people into teas. I guess I really just don’t take well to not taking to something quickly and not really doing well at something. I know I’m getting better and it’s a new job, but money, man… It’s the worst.

But what’s really got me down lately is my body. I know I have body dysmorphic issues all day every day, but I just can’t seem to figure out what’s going on. I need to work harder at the gym. I need to push myself more, even if I can’t go until 10 p.m. after 8 hours at my internship and then work. I need to push. Bodies don’t change unless you push.

Sometimes I need to look back at old photos to remind myself that I have come a little ways toward feeling satisfied with my body. By the way, I’m 5’2″–any and all weight no matter how small is multiplied on my supposed-to-be-skinny frame.

Thanksgiving 2010, 7 months as a vegan. 156lbs.

My Senior Photo for Emerson College, March 2012. 134lbs.

Trying on graduation dresses (I got the black one, of course! Though the red… unf. Too expensive).

Living the cruelty-free life.

I just want to work hard to get better and be fit and trim and happy and comfortable.

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