I’ve been really fragile lately, partially because this is my first time working retail and minimum wage and sales goals have me stressing and worrying and just sad. It’s odd, because I actually do love my job. I believe in and am excited about our teas and getting people into teas. I guess I really just don’t take well to not taking to something quickly and not really doing well at something. I know I’m getting better and it’s a new job, but money, man… It’s the worst.
But what’s really got me down lately is my body. I know I have body dysmorphic issues all day every day, but I just can’t seem to figure out what’s going on. I need to work harder at the gym. I need to push myself more, even if I can’t go until 10 p.m. after 8 hours at my internship and then work. I need to push. Bodies don’t change unless you push.
Sometimes I need to look back at old photos to remind myself that I have come a little ways toward feeling satisfied with my body. By the way, I’m 5’2″–any and all weight no matter how small is multiplied on my supposed-to-be-skinny frame.
Thanksgiving 2010, 7 months as a vegan. 156lbs.
My Senior Photo for Emerson College, March 2012. 134lbs.
Trying on graduation dresses (I got the black one, of course! Though the red… unf. Too expensive).
Living the cruelty-free life.
I just want to work hard to get better and be fit and trim and happy and comfortable.